Chapter Six

Well shit.

I've been in so many different moods in the past week, it's really not like me at all.

My first problem was one of those troll dolls that used to be so popular with little girls - not sure if they still are. It had neon green hair. Needless to say, these things would ruin everyone's day. It was that troll and a furbie. Do you get what I'm saying? Probably not, oh, probably not. How can I explain better - because there's no way I can say exactly what I mean. No, no. That would be unwise. Anyway, these two were giving me a headache. What with the neon green hair and the constant chirping.

And for the longest time, I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I knew I had a splitting headache, and I knew that I was in a morbidly awful mood. But I couldn't put those two things together. I was getting angrier and angrier at the world. No, not the world. That would have been to easy. I can't say what I was mad at. It might have been myself, for some reason or other, but I'm not the judge for that. I'm the worst judge for that.

Then it was Thursday. Let me tell you, Thursday sucked. I can call this one on it's face - AP world history. I didn't get stressed studying for it, i started a week early and did a little at a time. It was manageable. But the test! By Jove, the test! sitting in a room for 4 hours taking a test, and then going for four hours of classes, without a break... It broke me. And I had pre-calc right after the AP. Think about that. World history and then calculus. That alone would break my mind and spill it all over the floor in its rainbows and spinney gadgets and forest noises and television programs and burnt-down wax candles and broken vases and wilting flowers and stereo systems and Pokemon paraphernalia and grass-orgy memories and butterfly stew and Saturday's dinner's recipe and that time I asked someone to mix paints for me while I worked on the scaffolding and I needed a green and he couldn't get it right and "That's not good, It has to be like... like the color when you wake up and you /know/ that you saw the meaning of life in your dreams but can't remember it." Maybe it's yellow...

Once upon a time, in a land far far away there were two oscillating lemurs named Charlie and Steve. They both had a lot of HAIR and really enjoyed eating candy corn..." To be continued.

Steve declaimed i is NOT a PILLOW! i is PLAYING PIANO!

And if that isn't enough, I had three hours of class after that.

But I got through Thursday. I got home and I played games and I went to sleep and I ignored the slightest reality of any "homework." It didn't make my mood any better. Friday I was in for a nice surprise, but it wasn't really that big a deal. Everyone else thought it was though, so I smiled and said thank you as politely as I could. It didn't affect me though. But that's a lie. It did affect me. It was exactly what I needed to get out of Thursday's soreness. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough. It didn't get me out, for whatever reason. So in retrospect, I wasn't really lying. So, ha!

And then I had a pleasant encounter with Louis, my dear Louis. ~ . It turns out that despite everything I convince myself in the dead of night, Louis doesn't really hate me. And that's good. But there's still the possibility that Louis is indifferent; and that's almost worse. No, that is worse. Indifference is the biggest insult you can give. It's worse than hate. Especially between Louis and I. But Louis encountered me today, too. And there was no reason for that encounter. So maybe Louis actually isn't indifferent, as I fear. I hope.

But that's jumping around. I digress. Louis encountered me first on Friday. There really isn't any significance in that. Except that Louis is very dear. But on the topic of Louis, there was another. My Eternal Friend.

It's really quite exciting, just thinking about My Eternal Friend. I really am lucky. But you don't know anything about that. The point is that My Eternal Friend reminded me a way to escape. Fate - M.E.F., reminded me in my most dire straights, when all I knew was a Chopinian hovel - is entirely determinable. And so I was able to re-determine my fate. And I destroyed everything. Almost everything. I was capable of it, truely, I was. I must have done it too, so deep was my resolve. But I never did. And I never have. Never yet. Everything is a little beyond my reach. And so within it too. So strange, that paradox.

But that griddiness was growing inside my lungs. I could feel it. And sometimes I couldn't hold it back. I wanted to call some few and share it with them, but I didn't. And I say didn't and not haven't because it feels as if it's sliding a way. Which, I guess, everyone else will see as a good thing, but I'm going to miss it...
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Steve thinks your stupid.